I was feeling empty after England lost the Rugby World Cup final to New Zealand.
There was a lot more crying than usual. There were many happy people in the crowd at our sold-out Eden Park event in Auckland.
I stood there, feeling nothing.
It is extremely difficult to accept a loss because it is not just one final.
It transcends the seven weeks spent in New Zealand trying for our World Cup goal.
Since July, we had been in pre-season. We pushed ourselves to the limit week after week. We were so devoted to our training that we sometimes had to throw up during sessions.
It is difficult to not feel empty after draining your tank for weeks upon weeks.
But I know there’s more and that we were part in a special day of women’s rugby.
England’s record-breaking winning streak of 30 Tests was maintained by the England team. We played Eden Park in front a record crowd, 42,579 people.
Many people have sent me messages, from rugby players like Ugo Monye to outsiders like Dina Asher Smith, letting them know that they have inspired a generation.
“It’s not the end of my story”
While it’s a terrible feeling to lose in a World Cup final, it has always been something I can look back on with great perspective.
This wouldn’t have been the making me, if we won it. And it isn’t the end of us now that it hasn’t won.
This was not my worst day. This is not the best thing in my life.
When Lydia Thompson was dismissed in the first period, we were down to 14 players. I am proud of the team’s response and the fact that we finished the final with three points less.
I was an athlete in the past, and it’s interesting to see how different attitudes are held in relation to silver medals in team sports.
You’d be honored if your Olympic Games win was silver.
You lose in team sport.
“We will sell Twickenham”
It doesn’t matter what result was achieved, the final was outstanding. It demonstrated that it is worthwhile to invest in women’s sporting events.
England’s union made women’s players professional before anyone else. Contracts have been in place since 2019.
England won’t lower this bar and all other countries need to follow our lead. Our first match against France at Twickenham is over.
The 2025 World Cup will be hosted by us, and players immediately after the final talked about how amazing that event was.
It is our intention to bring that tournament all over the country, and it will be incredible.
After the match, we talked about how excited we are to see England face off in the World Cup final at Twickenham for 80,000 people.
I was able to see Eden Park in full yesterday and believe that this is what will happen.
We flew home Sunday night and I was so happy to see my fiance Benjii as well as my family.
A roast dinner is something I’m looking forward to. I haven’t had one in seven week so this will be my first dinner when I return home.
My mum will cook it, but I’d rather go to the dinner party. I just want to fill my plate with as many items as possible, that way it will all fall off.
Shaunagh Brown spoke to Becky Grey, BBC Sport.
